Kate Kelly / commentary
Baronial 25, 2011

First Day of School by Ken Wilcox

Commencement Twenty-four hour period of School ~ Photo by Ken Wilcox

Is your child anxious about starting school?  Are you?

Here are some tips to get through the annual child-parent rite of fall from Kate Kelly, a therapist who specializes in treating childhood anxiety and runs courses that assistance girls learn coping skills for feet and stress,  Kelly, a longtime resident of San Francisco, now lives in Washington D.C.

1) Are you anxious too?

Information technology'due south only like being on a plane, where yous're told to put on your ain oxygen mask before helping others; as much as it may go against our parental instincts to help ourselves starting time, when it comes to anxiety (and aeroplane emergencies!) our children are meliorate off when we practice.

Information technology's normal, of form, for all of us to feel a bit anxious, even wistful, as the more relaxed days of summer brainstorm to give fashion to the busier days of fall. But since anxious kids volition pick up if nosotros're feeling broken-hearted or worried, take a moment to tune in to whatever you lot may be feeling: suspension, take a few soft belly breaths—sometimes that'southward enough to bring the states back to the present. Call back—anxiety is all about worrying about the futurity. If you lot're feeling anxious, accept the fourth dimension to do whatever helps yous reduce your stress and awaken your joy:  yoga, meditation, swimming, running, or spending time with a good friend.

Reducing your stress is neat modeling for your anxious kid—and as well increases the chances that less of your anxiety volition exist in the mix when you try to help your child with his/her anxious feelings.

2) Invite your kid to talk.

Invite chat with your child about what s/he might be feeling most the new schedule, new school, and new expectations. The all-time time is when you lot're both relaxed—perhaps after playing a board game, or after taking a bike ride together. Depending on the age of the child, "side-by-side" conversations—while riding in the auto, or browsing store aisles for school supplies—can likewise exist keen times to chat. To have the pulse on broken-hearted feelings, go on the tone relaxed and inviting—perhaps starting in an open-ended way: "I know our schedule is most to change, since nosotros'll exist starting school in a few weeks. I'yard curious what yous're thinking about that?" If y'all detect this elicits no response—which often happens with kids!—you can attempt a more than directly arroyo: "What two things are you most excited about at your new school? What two things perhaps give y'all a few collywobbles in your stomach?"

three) It'southward normal to feel nervous (to a signal).

If your kid expresses broken-hearted feelings, validate the feelings—while at the aforementioned fourth dimension expressing confidence in his/her capacities to meet new challenges.  Sometimes we parents skip over the validating-the-feelings function of the equation and head directly into reassuring our kids—because we then hate to run across them anxious (and, truth be told, because information technology makes usa feel anxious to meet our kids anxious.)  Just reassurance tin can feel hollow and not helpful to an broken-hearted kid if nosotros don't first give the worried and scared feelings their due. Tell your child that it's normal to feel a flake anxious when nosotros begin something new—perhaps sharing a time when you felt anxious, and what you did to help yourself. (Kidsdearest*to hear stories about challenges their parents take faced, and overcome.) After you've validated your child'due south feelings, convey your conviction in his/her capacities to run into the new situation.  Talk about some of the absurd stuff, such every bit the great playground, new friends, huge library—whatever makes the new school or schedule appealing.

4) Brand a plan.

Anxious kids like to have a plan and a structure.  Find out whatever you can virtually your child's new schedule and share that with him/her. If your child is worried about the get-go twenty-four hours of school, run into if the two of you tin can visit the schoolhouse ahead of time so s/he has some familiarity with the setting and edifice. Endeavor to find a trusted developed at the schoolhouse who can be an anchor in those first few weeks for your anxious child.

If y'all become a class list earlier school starts, arrange a play engagement with a child in the course before school starts; commencement-day jitters are less jittery if at that place's a familiar face in class. Anxious centre schoolers using a locker for the start fourth dimension will be less nervous if you teach them how to apply a combination lock before the starting time mean solar day of school.

Rowan's first day at school ~ Photo by Jo Peattie

Rowan'south starting time day at school ~ Photo by Jo Peattie

five) Eat right, slumber well.

Anxious kids can experience soothed by routine.  Prepare kids for a new routine past organizing your firm in a dorsum-to-school way—perhaps chatting with your child about setting upwards a special homework area. To help the transition dorsum to a school schedule, kickoff the back-to-school routine a calendar week or two before school starts if you can. And while you're at it, brand certain your back-to-school routine includes plenty of slumber and healthy foods—which can sometimes exist in short supply in the summertime. Remember that what nosotros eat and how we slumber affect our mood—and our anxiety levels—so choosing healthy food and getting plenty sleep are really important.

half-dozen) And, finally, if anxiety persists…

Most dorsum-to-school and/or new-school anxiety will shift every bit kids settle into a routine in the first weeks of school. But if symptoms persist for several weeks, seek help from a advisor who has experience working with feet. Symptoms may exist reported to parents as physical complaints—headaches, breadbasket aches, sore throats in younger kids, and nausea, headaches, muscle aches in older kids—that seem to disappear apace one time the child stays home from school. You should also lookout man for difficulty sleeping; increased irritability and agitation; clinginess; temper tantrums,  or refusing to become to school.

Here's the very skilful news: anxiety is very treatable, so no child or parent should ever endure unnecessarily. Seek help if you need to; and, with luck, these tips may reduce or even eliminate the anxiety that comes with a new school yr.

If you have follow-up questions, contact Kate Kelly at katekellylicsw@gmail.com. A version of this mail service first appeared in the Washington Post.

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